Miley Cyrus

I am shocked by how many people never watch movies or TV shows, else they wouldn't have been reacting as they do to Miley Cyrus's performance last Sunday. Yes, I know she looked half dressed and made some inappropriate gestures, but have you seen the smut on pre-recorded media? Actresses, I am talking here about females only, are completely naked and depending upon the rating of the show, "strategic" areas of her body are either hidden beyond the lenses' reach or shadowed out. In addition the other person on screen is groping her all over, even in the "strategic" areas, all for viewers to see. Had this been done in a public place instead of a studio, all involved would have been arrested for violating various laws of indecency. And she would have been with authorities filing molestation charges.

Shidduch crisis solution

To alleviate the shidduch crisis NASI has come up with an idea for girls to marry "men" who are younger than they are. The younger the better. While some girls jumped at the idea of raising and shaping their spouses, many were reluctant of taking up the responsibility of raising a teenager. Adolescent boys are known for their insolence, irresponsibility, impulsiveness and unpredictability. They are not easy to live with, much less, raise a family with. 

So I came up with a rather revolutionary idea. There are many perfectly fine, reliable, polite and grown single men who have difficulty getting married simply because they have a low IQ. Many of these men would make perfect husbands. They are much easier to train than the teens, and as a rule they will not be insolent. 

These girls are already raised to have no expectations of their husbands, and with low IQ men at their sides they would be able to domineer and rule the household as they wish. There will be no cheating, no controversy, no shalom bait issues. I think I just stumbled on a perfect solution.

Frum Truckers

I was wondering why is it that frummies do not drive trucks for parnosa. There are many advantages to being a frum truck driver. 

First, you have your own hours, so there are no problems with shabbos and holidays. You can leave on a trip anytime you want or can. For example if you were to usually leave at 7 am, on Rosh Hodesh you would leave a bit later. Or if there was a bris in shul and you knew this particular family loved to go all out with hot breakfast and whitefish and a million year old scotch, you would make sure to be home that morning.

Second, on your music medium of choice you could play many shiurim while driving. Listening to shiurim is akin to learning, thus frum truck drivers would be considered both full time learners and earners at the same time. Imagine the shidduch potential for your daughter entering the parsha. Not only is her father a full-time-learner, but he also has enough gelt to support her. 

Third, no formal education is required to be a truck driver. Imagine a life with no need to go to college and take up education loans. Imagine, all those wasted hours of secular studies in Yeshivah coming to fruition. Imagine being able to say I-told-you-so to all of your goishe (because they had a TV hidden in a basement) friends who insisted that secular studies are necessary for parnosa. All you need to do is buy a truck (which you could obtain with kallah money from you father-in-law) and take a few truck driving lessons. 

Fourth, when it becomes a trend (and you know it will because Jews are known to be following others' career paths without regard to practicalities) and many become truck drivers, it would create a need for kosher inns/drive throughs, with road side minyans all over the country, thus transforming America into the nostalgic eastern Europe of yesteryear. Instead of being a peddler (wandering Jew), Orthodox Jews in America would become truckers (still wandering Jews). Imagine a world where instead of using CBs to swap war stories, truckers would be using it to discuss Kodesh matters.  

Collectors

Collectors, are these frum people who are going from house to house, apartment to apartment, door to door, from early morning to late night collecting money for some cause. Sometimes it is for a sick child, or someone getting married. At other times it's for a widow with children or a yeshivah. There are many causes and even more collectors.

Lately, I am reading more and more about these poor collectors and how hard they work and how little they are able to accomplish. This one guy, at the end of a day, put all of the money out of his pockets and ended up with two piles of coins. No paper bills at all. Even if these two piles were made up of quarters only, I see his collection was between $10 and $20. That's for walking around the entire day.

Traditionally these collectors have probably existed as long as Judaism. Jews lived in dire poverty with very little opportunity to find jobs and make money. Going from door to door and collecting was the best way to accomplish the goal.

But that was then...

In today's US, especially in NY, most businesses employ Mexicans to do manual labor. These people are paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $10 per hour. So, if a Mexican works 8 hours, he makes $80 per day. I am sure that many of the local businesses would prefer hiring an orthodox Jew with a cause rather than a Mexican. I am not talking about racism here, just plain old comfort. People prefer working with others of similar background.

So, why are these collectors wasting their time going from door to door begging for a few pennies, if becoming a dishwasher or a stock-boy for a week would be more profitable and accomplish one's goal so much quicker?

Missing forest for the trees

All the people who are either celebrating or bemoaning yesterday's supreme court's decision are missing a forest for the trees. Here are the things that they should be upset about.

1.the federal government feels it has a right to one's money. After working all of his/her life, paying taxes, saving a bit here and some there when someone dies, our federal government helps themselves to a third of everything that person worked for and accumulated in his entire life. To throw us a bone, they said, we only take a third when there is no surviving spouse. Now, they decided to expand on the idea of a surviving spouse, completely ignoring the fact that they are stealing from the dead. Our government is robbing the graves and people are fixating on whether or not they will rob the graves of a few homosexuals.

2.  marriage is a religious institution. In this country we have a separation of church and state, yet the federal government feels it  has a right to control marriage practices. Leave marriage to the religious institutions and keep government's greedy hands out of our private lives. Yes, I know, it's not fair that married people have various tax breaks and etc. Gays want their hands on these tax breaks, too. But why are there special perks for married people in the first place? Implementing, enforcing, maintaining and upgrading the special perks costs money. The tax payer money. I would rather we didn't have these special marriage perks and save money on all the legal mumbo jumbo that it entails and ends up costing us. 

New Slaveowner takes over

Slaveowner, dressed in all of his finery is making a speech in a loud baritone to the gathered slaves. While talking he is masterfully elevating himself by walking up the stairs, strategically followed by two well built friends dressed in jeans and sleeveless leather vests. He stops at the edge of an empty terrace and his friends stop two feet behind. His speech is interrupted by cheers after almost every sentence. 

"... Your previous owner has treated you badly and did not take care of your needs. [cheers] But I will bring change. [cheers] I will not be like he was. [cheers]. He had a schedule to give you a beating every 18 days. [boos] Under my leadership you will be beaten only every 26 days. [cheers] that will give you extra EIGHT days between beatings. [cheers]"


As the crowd is loudly cheering the latest change, a friend to the left asks quietly under his breath: "Wouldn't it be better if you made it 29 days rather than 26?"


"Yes" agreed Slaveowner, "but this way, I will have an incentive later on, if I ever need one. Can't give them everything on the same day."


"Wouldn't it be better if you had freed them and let them make their own decisions about where and for whom they work?" asks his friend to the right.


"Can't do that. There are other slaveowners who beat them on a daily basis. Besides, if I free them, some slaves will choose not to work and will be left hungry and homeless."


The cheers subsided and Slaveowner proceeded.


"For a small cut in your wages, you will no longer need to spend money in the company store. From now on everything in the store is yours free."[cheers]


"How can you afford to do that?" a friend to the right asks as the crowd is going crazy with wild cheers.


"You can't just let them take anything they want from the store, someone needs to oversee the operation.", the friend to the left says.


"Don't worry, I will reward my favorite slave with the position of store manager and deciding what and how much each slave is allowed to get."

Daloy

Back in Soviet Union every child knew the phrase "Daloy Amerike" or "Daloy Kapitalizmu". Which ruffly translates as "Death to America" or "Death to Capitalism".

The other phrase we were taught from almost birth is: "pen is mightier than a sword". I really hope it is true because I created this blog with intention to bring death to communism, socialism, laziness and stupidity. I plan to do so by binding anecdotes, history and current events with common sense.